Gifts I did not know
Woke from a dream where I was in a terrible realm
All my sails were ablaze I was chained to the helm*
The early years of my adult life were like this. Stuff was on fire, yet I drove on defiantly, deciding that it was just “no big deal”. I worked hard to operate in every environment and to skillfully be thoroughly unimpressed. Night after night knowing that the very ground I lived on was sitting in the top of an hourglass in which the grains of foundation were disappearing with expected precision.
Chemical rationalization was helpful in maintaining this ride. I was taught that maintaining was everything. Maintaining was the old school way that said, no matter how messed up you are, you operate as a productive member of society. I had the good fortune of this only affecting myself.
As I watch my sons navigate the transition into real life. I have been incredibly impressed by their choices, discernment, and the tools they have used in figuring out those paths. Even though I was considered to have the wisdom of an age greater than I was at their age, I had nothing on them in comparison. What they have gleaned from me has surprised me greatly. From my fight for survival, that have pulled key points and principles that I did not perceive were possible as I was running the course.
I find that I am constantly learning from them. It is in how Liam demonstrates a stereo system for me and with intention chooses Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones. The richness he found in this song speaks volumes. Gimme Shelter is a song about contrasts. The 1960s which a large peace and love movement was everywhere, it did not stop the 60s from being one of the most violent decades of our time. The song is drawing a line in the sand and states that, we are stepping over this line to a better day moving forward. It is a great piece of abstract art, lyrically, musically and in canon.
The other night, Noah and I were talking about music. It is so interesting to sample what he loves to listen to. He knows his 70s and especially 80s very well. He has a knack for finding musicians today that actually still have talent, just when we thought talent died 30 years ago. What is great is, those artists clearly have influences from those decades and he finds it in deep complexities within the music. It is so molecular that others may never see it, but he does.
Despite being told that our children will learn more from us than we can comprehend, I could never have imagined it could be as deep as it is. That the very nature of it is mostly subliminal. They are the ones teaching me. Fresh young minds. Those who do not compare today’s life to the greatest decade 50 years ago. I try to keep an open mind about things, but when the intelligence I am receiving is that old, I am certainly sure to be swept away in the wake of time. That aggressive thing that I have fought and kept ahead of all of these years, foolishly thinking I could beat the adversary. Playing with cards that no longer exist equals devistation at last.
As each day passes, I better understand, this is the time to sit an listen. Beautiful ideas, creativity and intellect abound around me. It is a sweet garden to live, and I don’t want to miss it by seeing only contrast. The one thing we have always had was today. Today was not something I accepted very often, but I have learned, it is the most precious of gifts.
*song “Mockingbirds” Grant Lee Buffalo 1994